


passing by all the monsters in my head

by shadowdance



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Blue Lion Route, Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route Spoilers, Foreshadowing, M/M, Pre-Time Skip, i can't believe thats a tag? but yeah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-15
Updated: 2019-08-15
Packaged: 2020-09-01 15:18:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20260225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowdance/pseuds/shadowdance
Summary: ("You'd come back from the dead?")Dedue and Dimitri talk about ghosts, among other things.





	passing by all the monsters in my head

**Author's Note:**

> title is from "slow and steady" by of monsters and men
> 
> i would also like to emphasize there are major spoilers so bear that in mind

There is one lone candlelight, flickering low within the library. Dedue knows who it is.

“Your Highness, the hour is late. I suggest you return to bed.”

Dimitri lifts his head up. True to form, there are dark circles under his eyes, stress lines evident on his face. Dedue has seen this look before; it had scared him, in the past. It does not scare him _now_, though there is a clenching feeling of anticipation, the hope of _don’t do this again _coiling in his chest. Beyond that, another feeling rises in his heart, something more along the lines of concern.

“No need to worry, Dedue,” Dimitri says, as if he can sense the emotions under Dedue’s skin. “I promise I am fine.”

Dedue slides into the seat across from Dimitri. “That is what you always say, Your Highness, but your face tells a different story.”

Dimitri flinches, lowers his gaze. Dedue almost wants to ask him to look him in the eye—it feels too long since Dimitri has done that. His gaze has been skittish as of late, never directly meeting anyone’s eyes. He talks to his feet or to the side beyond him, but never to the person’s face. It feels improper to ask the prince to look at _him_, though, so Dedue holds his tongue.

“I have just been thinking.” Dimitri snaps his book closed, rubs his eyes wearily. In the glow of the candle, Dedue cannot make out the title. He wonders if it has something to do with the Empire, with the Kingdom, with everything in between. He could never ask.

“If anything troubles the mind, Your Highness, you are free to speak.” Dedue hesitates, and then adds, “I believe Professor Byleth may be of use. He—”

“I don’t want to tell him.” Dimitri’s voice is sharp and swift, cutting off the rest of Dedue’s words. His meanings are clear, and Dimitri must hear it, for his shoulders sag. He sighs again, propping his hands near his temples, and Dedue slides his gaze towards the books along the wall. The gentle glow of the candle throws shadows against some books, illuminates others; Dedue can see a gaping hole in the Knight section.

“Dedue,” Dimitri says suddenly, and Dedue startles. He has heard Dimitri say his name for many years now, but the softness that curls around the syllables is always a shock. It warms something in his heart. “I have a question.”

Dedue raises an eyebrow. _I will answer anything you ask of me._

“You always speak of standing by my side, protecting me from all harm,” Dimitri says slowly. The words sound forced in his mouth, and he drops his gaze again, focusing on the grooves in the old wood. His fingers circle across the table idly. “You say you would throw away your life for me.” It is a question.

“Yes,” Dedue says, frowning. “I would give my life to protect you, Your Highness. Everything I have, to protect you. You must know that.”

“_Don’t_.”

Dedue’s eyes widen. He has heard this before, a soft murmur that he chooses not to hear, but—he has never heard Dimitri sound so _determined_ before.

“Excuse me, Your Highness?”

Dimitri sighs again. His gaze still will not meet Dedue’s. “I think…I do not like ghosts,” he says slowly. “They have a habit of haunting me, even when they promise to move on.”

Dedue remains silent.

“If I were to ask you to move on as a spirit, I’m not sure you would.” Dimitri’s laugh is kind but humorless, almost as if it’s to his own expense. “Granted, it’s possible you wouldn’t anyway, given your loyalty, but…I do not wish for you to trail after me as a ghost.”

“Your Highness—”

“Do not come back for me,” Dimitri says, and he lifts his gaze to meet Dedue’s. “I am tired of ghosts.”

Their shadows bob against the walls like eavesdropping spirits. Dedue swallows, his feelings torn—he would never want to disobey Dimitri, but he knows he doesn’t control the ghosts that haunt him.

“I shall find a way back. In a different manner.”

Dimitri startles. He looks up, and his eyes connect with Dedue’s—the first time in a long time. He looks different—haunted. But the shock in his gaze is something Dedue has seen before.

“Impossible,” Dimitri says. He hardens his jaw. “You cannot…come back from the dead. Not in a way that exists beyond ghosts.”

“I will,” Dedue says, “I swear it,” and because he has sworn it he knows he will. Dimitri stares at him as if he’s insane, but Dedue doesn’t care. The last thing he would ever want to do is hurt Dimitri. Coming back is the only way not to.

“Dedue,” Dimitri sighs, and he slumps in his chair. “It would be much easier if you swore not to die on me.”

A lump hardens in Dedue’s throat. “As much as I wish to promise you that, Your Highness, I cannot. The closest I can offer is that I will find a way back, and not in the form of a ghost.”

A corner of Dimitri’s mouth raises, something humorless. “You will come back from the dead, eh?”

“It will be hard,” Dedue says, “but I will. I promise, Your Highness.”

Dimitri stares at him. One second, two seconds, three seconds pass. Then he lets out a low chuckle, soft and warm, rumbling against the back of his throat. It has been a long time since Dedue has heard Dimitri laugh, and a gentle feeling spreads across his chest, warming his veins.

“You do not need to promise me that,” Dimitri says. He reaches over, fingers lightly brushing against the side of Dedue’s hand. Dedue stiffens; Dimitri does not. “But the sentiment is…nice, Dedue. Thank you.”

Dedue does not say anything, but he lowers his gaze in acknowledgment. Dimitri sighs again, and he stands up without warning.

“You do not need to follow me to my quarters,” he says, when Dedue scrapes his chair back. “I am headed there, and I am fine, I promise. You can stay here as long as you like. Just blow out the candle when you’re done.”

Dedue hesitates. “Your Highness—”

“Those are my orders for the night,” Dimitri says, and though his tone is kind, Dedue understands the message. He has heard Dimitri pace in the room above him for hours on end, the floor creaking under the weight of his worries. Dimitri doesn’t want Dedue to see that part of him.

_I already have, _Dedue wants to say. _I know what you are going through, what ghosts cause your suffering. Please do tell me so we don’t have another tragedy at hand, let me in, Dimitri, let me in—_

“Of course,” Dedue says instead, and he dips his head down. “Good night, Your Highness.”

He waits until Dimitri has left the room before blowing out the candle.


End file.
